10 Adventures in 10 Days: #7- KU KLUX COOKIE

Family and Friends,

Our dog is a racist bigot. She hates black people. I wish we had known to ask about that when we were researching breeds and trying to find out their predispositions. We did ask if she would shed. Not very much, we were told. (that was wrong) We did ask if she would bark. Not very much, we were told. (wrong again) However, we forgot to ask if she would be prone to extreme racial prejudice. I guess that never came up in the research and planning. That category never showed up on www.dogbreeds.com. I'm sure the breeders we bought her from would have assured us she was color-blind and it wouldn't matter anyway.

Cookie is a pocket puggle, sort of. On the internet they will tell you there is really no such thing, which is probably true. A puggle is a combination of a pug and a beagle. A pocket puggle is a combination of a pug and any number of smaller breeds, which gives you a small puppy that looks part pug. In Cookie's case she was a combination of a pug and a rat terrier, and the terrier genes really come out whenever Haitian people show up at our door. Out come the snarls, fangs, barks, and growls. She is a one-dog unwelcoming committee.

Richard, our friend from Milford, IA, who came down for an extended period earlier this year and is returning in a few weeks, really got a kick out of Cookie and her strange tendencies. He raises funds at churches for the lumber and other supplies he uses on his mission trips, and he likes to tell stories about Cookie, the racist dog. So he is really the one who inspired us to come up with the name, Ku Klux Cookie. We thought about Cookie the Caucasian-loving, cantankerous canine, but that didn't exactly roll off the tongue. She loves Sue. She normally isn't bothered by Pam. If she is bothered by her, it is only because Pam is always darting about with quick motions and comes in and out of the house in a hurry. Cookie normally doesn't like men, but Pam's dad became her best friend last summer, and of course he is white.

The real proof of Cookie's racial prejudice is her strained relationship with Adrien. He supposedly has some white in his bloodlines, going back to the French, and in fact his skin is pretty light for a Haitian. He seems to be the one Cookie hates the most. She can recognize his voice from a city block away. She starts barking even if he tries to sneak silently past our house. Isn't that the true mark of a racial supremacist? She hates people who are “mixed” even more than people whose heritage comes completely from one ethnicity. The great irony is that she is a mixed-breed herself! What a sick puppy.

So we are thinking about sending her to a Haitian tolerance boot camp. I'm not sure what they do there, exactly. Probably make her sit quietly through a lot of singing, hand-clapping, and dancing. Next they will test her with flash cards, each portraying a person with a different shade of skin. If she doesn't bark at black people, she gets a treat. Finally she will be handed over to Nesli, the rascally 5-year-old at the orphanage who throws toys and soccer balls in the outhouse pit for fun, who will be her personal drill sergeant and force her to endure unmentionable tortures. If she survives all of that her little heart will either be turned to stone or completely softened for the Haitian people.

I guess in a “Signs” (remember that movie?) sort of way we reassure ourselves that her coming unglued every time someone (black) comes to the door will eventually reap dividends if some stranger intent on harm ever comes. In other words, her guard dog qualities might be needed some day. Until then, however, we'll just have to patiently work with her and try not to come unglued ourselves. We keep a squirt bottle handy to douse her snout when she barks. We also try to hold her down as kids from the orphanage pet her. She makes little whines and throaty moans when we do that, like we are performing surgery on her or something.

"Cookie the Racist Watchdog"
(Sung to the tune of “Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer”)

There was....

Francia, Kiki,
Rose, Lepe, Lucy
Schinaider and Nesli
Anderson, Kenny

But the most disturbing young creature of all,
was curled up in a furry brown ball...

Cookie the racist watchdog
Had a very vicious bark
And if you ever heard her

You hoped your skin was not too dark

All of the other orphans
used to laugh and call her names
They never let poor Cookie
join in any mixed-race games

Then one balmy Christmas eve
Cory came to say,
“Cookie, if you bark so loud,
I might throw you in the pound!”

Then all the orphans loved her,
and they shouted out with glee,
“Cookie the friendly watchdog,
Jesus' love has set you free!!!!”

-The Grimm Family Adventurers (and Cookie)