We write a lot of stories about our adventures all over the village and the mountains trails of Haiti. This post, however, shows how true it is that the real adventure of following Christ is in one's own heart and soul and mind.
Lynn was paging through Facebook a night or two ago (We have internet! Am I dreaming? Somebody pinch me!), and we were sad to see that a good friend from Orange City had passed away. It wasn't a big shock, because she had been battling serious illness in varying degrees for close to thirty years, dating all the way back to a kidney transplant and related complications for life, and ending with many years of battling cancer. I had spoken to her husband in August, and he let me know things weren't going well for his wife and she might not live long. So again, we weren't totally devastated by the news, but it got me thinking.
There truly is a sacrifice that takes place when you leave for the mission field, and it is more complex than you might think. I get the feeling that we are only beginning to understand what it means. Previously we blogged about giving up unknown expectations and dreams we hold way down deep in our hearts and in the inner recesses of our minds...hopes for our future we might not have even been aware of, like being able to watch your kids sing or play Joseph or Mary in the Christmas program at church. There is a sacrifice there, no doubt, but that is not what I'm thinking about this time.
Of course there is the sacrifice of comforts, conveniences, technologies, etc.... That is something we often joke about, and the mission teams who come down here without fail comment both on how hard it is to give up certain things and how at the same time it can be quite refreshing. Letting go of some of those simple pleasures feels a little bit like a sacrifice sometimes, but you get over it pretty quickly. A more sobering sacrifice is giving up reliable health care and putting yourself in a position where injuries and illnesses we would consider moderately serious in the US suddenly become life-threatening in Haiti. But that is not what this blog post is about, either.
I'll tell you what the real sacrifice is when you leave to be a missionary in a different country. It is sacrificing the normal, logical, and healthy continuation and completion of relationships you've been investing in your whole life. There is a real sense of disorientation and loss at the feeling of not being there for our friends' funeral. We should be there. I guarantee you that when we return on some break in the future, especially when we visit Trinity Reformed in Orange City, we will have to remind ourselves that this friend is really gone. We will grieve her all over again.
It isn't like our friend and her husband would have thought badly about us not being there for the funeral. They would be totally understanding and sympathetic of our situation. In fact, we wouldn't be here without their help. When I was youth pastor in Orange City, it was through the mentorship of this man (and the encouragement of Pastor Opgenorth) that I even considered the option of attending seminary. Then this couple, of whom the wife just passed away, supported us financially in seminary and through Mission Haiti. So in strange ironic twist they shared in the sacrifice. By supporting us in this work, they had to sacrifice our ability to be there to support and encourage them in their time of need. They gave up any ministry and love we might have given them at this time as a gift to the people of Haiti.
That is really what the sacrifice is all about.
Years ago I remember my parents talking about how my uncle and aunt (who were missionaries in Kenya) were very concerned about getting “the phone call,” and they weren't sure how much longer they wanted to be missionaries because of this tension. In other words, they didn't want to be in the middle of nowhere when they heard that “mom” or “dad” had passed away. I'm not sure if that sums up the situation fairly, but that is the overview of what I was told. I am ashamed now to confess that when I heard that I perceived it as sort of a weakness on their part, that they wouldn't be willing to make that sacrifice. I now understand a little bit better how that feels, and I am sorry for my ignorance, arrogance, and lack of compassion. It isn't only about how much you love that person. There is something more to the sacrifice. When you are transplanted from one culture to another there is a loss of being connected to the natural flow of life and death that goes on without you in the culture you left.
We have had some talks about this and kind of plotted out what our plan would be if certain people passed away while we are in Haiti. That is kind of morbid to talk about, but in all seriousness, we feel need to have a plan when we get “the phone call” and even make a decision beforehand of who is a close enough relative (and who isn't) for all of us to drop everything and fly back. If we stay here long enough we might also have to miss some really important moments other than funerals. We already have. Just a few days ago Lynn's brother and his wife had their second child. The first time we see him may be when he is tottering along some piece of furniture at Grandma's house. The reality is we will miss holding him as a baby. That is a sacrifice that counts for something. At least we hope so.
When it is all said and done, no sacrifice we make compares to the sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross. Maybe we shouldn't even use that word, “sacrifice.” Maybe this whole blog post should not be written. However, I think God is very understanding when it comes to these things, and He can more than compensate for any feelings of loss or confusion. The other side to this, of course, is the sacrifice all of you are making in letting us go, especially our parents. Sometimes we overlook or even downplay this reality. We think, “We were pretty boring people anyway, so we won't be missed too much.” But again, it isn't only about how much you back home love us. It is about that sense of missing out on what you feel you should be a part of...losses, rites of passage, great accomplishments, tiny little snapshots of everyday life, etc...
By God's grace may we all embrace this sacrifice in faith that “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Rom. 8:18) Also, today we remember a truly great woman, Marietta Vandersall. I can think of no better example of a person who suffered greatly from physical ailments and yet put others before herself and made them feel important and special. She had a special place in her heart for Lynn. Also pray for Stan, her husband and my former mentor, a great servant of God and His church, who will somehow go on by God's grace into an unknown future. Do us a little favor and give Him a little extra encouragement on our behalf.
-The Grimm Family Adventurers
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